Sunday, May 08, 2005

Identity Crisis

Its probably a bad idea to watch 2 hours of Sex and the City after a 12 hour mini-identity crisis, but I did. It got me thinking about friendships, and how everyone is looking for some kind of validation. Some lucky people are most concerned with the validation they get by meeting their own standards, although I guess how lucky they are depends on how high or low their standards are. Most people are looking for validation from others in some way, and I think its hard to realize that because people do different things for validation. Some people base their self-esteem partly on the people are around them, and they learn how to do and say the right things to keep people around. I know I tend to measure myself by other people's opinions of me, but I'm not very good at trying to conform to what people want. I try and usually I just get confused and mad.

Last night, during a tirade about people who frustrate me, I realized that I was really upset because I want people to see me as someone who has it together, and I don't have it together a lot of the time. I get so stressed out because I don't want people to think I'm guillible or stupid, and I don't want them to see that I end up getting hurt and bitter when I trust the wrong people.

What I realized is that in this area of my life, I'm basing my identity on what others think of me, and not what God thinks of me. God created me with a lot of faith. Even if people think that I'm dumb or gullible when I have faith in people, or even because I have faith in God, God made me to be trusting. My identity needs to come from God's will for me, and not what other people think.

Its amazing how much mental earth gets turned up when I have a night home alone, and all of this thinking also led to the realization that I need to be more aware of what other people are seeking from me. I'm not very good at walking the line between giving too much and giving enough to other people, but probably paying more attention would help.


Blogger B said...

...Also, hopefully people won't see you as gullible or stupid since you're willing to talk about the issue and to say, "I messed up" or "I trusted the wrong people" or whatever. You're right, you have to be focused on what God wants from you, and it seems to me like eventually people come around to your side if you stick with what you know is right.

7:13 PM  

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