Beyond being "nice girls"
Watching this documentary, I starting thinking about teaching abstience to teenagers. In my opinion, it is so much more complicated than saying "God made your body for your spouse. Pray for God to make you strong enough to not have sex." First of all, it seems to me that it is absolutely imperative that kids have a sense of self-worth. They need to really believe and feel that God made them special and beautiful, so that they aren't as suceptible to the validation addiction. I was 21 before I really believed that I only needed to be beautiful if the eyes of God, myself, and my future husband. For a lot of kids, its too late by that time. What with our "sex sells" culture, and social sabotage in the form of words like "slut," its amazing any of us survive adolescence with our virginity.
Urban Dictionary is a website where people can submit their own definitions of words. The most popular definition of the word "slut" according to this page, is "a woman with a man's morals." How's that for an example of the sexual double standard? I can't speak for the boys, but it is so confusing to be a girl what with being caught between two impossible standards: there's the one that says, "be a nice girl and keep your knees together, or you'll be called a slut," and the one that says, "the perfect girlfriend is fun and beautiful and sexy, and if you aren't that, you'll sit at home with your parents every weekend."
I have been teaching an abstinence-only sexuality curriculum (from 1997) at the Generation Station, and I my beliefs are firmly rooted in my belief that God created sex to be shared in marriage. I was also a psychology student, and totally believe in women being educated about their bodies and taking control of their sexuality. So I'm struggling with how to mix that all together without totally confusing kids. Then again, maybe the best thing I can do is help them to wrestle with all of this. Lets be honest, I'm only a few years ahead of them, and seeing as I am not married, abstinence is still very much a part of my life, so really we'd be wrestling with it together.