Sunday, April 15, 2007

These are my wounds

Through Lent and Easter I have been struggling to articulate some thoughts that have been bubbling around in my mind. Today I realized that (once again) I am struggling to be genuine, because people sometimes equate struggle with lack of faith.

This week's Gospel reading was on Thomas. I preached on this last year, and had reflected on the fact that Jesus is not angry with Thomas for doubting. Jesus knows Thomas' need ("Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe."), and provides.

Today Pastor Amy talked about community of faith as being a place where we can express our doubts, and provide each others' needs. It hit me like a ton of bricks that the thing I am struggling with is my need to express my needs to my friends. I often feel guilty doing this, but one of my goals this year is to reconcile relationships, and I think this is one step in that.
I need to stop trying to be strong and allow myself to be vulnerable.

We usually try to hide and guard our wounds, but Jesus didn't do that. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. I know that I need to share my wounds, because they are part of the story of how God is creating me into something else.


Blogger B said...

As one of your friends, I think I'll comment :D... because I totally agree with this, and I basically act that way, too, with most of my friends. I think it's rare to find people who are *really* open with you, and with whom you can share *anything,* including your vulnerabilities. Even though people act like they can talk to their friends about anything, in my experience, they can't. I think I have like two people who I can pretty much talk about anything with, like *really* talk, and my parents (for the most part). But I agree that most people put up a front of being confident and unaffected and independent all the time, and hello! it's not really possible, being human and all.

I decided lately to try to be more honest, because I think I lie more than I would like (mostly "white-lying"). It's hard because I usually do it subconsciously, like I don't plan to lie and I don't know why I do it -- which is how I think a lot of this facade gets built up: subconsciously. Grrrrrr....

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with you Megan and b my friends say I can talk to them about anything but then they won't listen to me when I need them the most. So I end up deciding to keep bottling my emotions when in all reality I know I should share whats wrong. Everyone needs someone to share their secrets, wounds,etc. I have two people to talk to ironically I share more with them yet I've known them less than my "friends". I seem to lie too white lies an their hard to fix but I know God will forgive you if you ask forgiveness an he has alot for me. Great blog Megan!

5:47 PM  
Blogger Mrs. M said...

Amen, sister.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i understand sharing their wounds most people don't like to share their wounds especially for me sharing my wounds isn't easy for someone like me im more of an independent type which just means im a stubborn fool who thinks they can do anything by themself it doesn't mean i don't have them i tend to hide them which isn't a good idea on my part lately i realized this makes me very unhappy an my friends barley seem to notice only a few but they think im just being a teenager this sometimes hurts me far worse than i allow myself to acknowledge sometimes i feel like not even God can forgive me for what i've done i feel bad because randomly i cry when im alone when i know i should be happy i have a good life but i can't see how any one could love me if they knew my mistakes which cut into me deep i want to be more honest but i don't know how i guess im ranting sorry its a wonderful blog i know God will help me really great comments too :]

7:45 PM  

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