Oprah and Jesus

I am watching Oprah, which is something I don't often do. I was a loyal Oprah viewer for years, but I stopped when she started really freaking me out with The Secret. Today I was suckered in because the Jon and Kate Plus Eight family was on for the first part. Now she's talking about A New Earth.

It always amazes me how many authors write books that basically tell us stuff that we could get from reading the Bible, but completely divorced from Christianity. Now, I am a believer that truth is found all over the place, and that we can find points of intersection between Christianity and a whole host of religions and philosophies. When new books like this come out, though, I kind of want to say, "Duh, we've been saying that for like 2,000 years" (and the Jews have been saying it even longer, and actually I'm pretty sure lots of other religions have been saying this stuff too). This woman on Oprah just said that she finally understood 1 Corinthians 13 - love is about getting over your ego and getting out of the way. Maybe she would have understood that sooner if we didn't reduce so much of scripture to either fuzzy words or condemnation.

People want to believe in redemption and renewal. I do understand the impulse to steer clear of a set religion, because so often religions oppress, judge, demand, condemn, etc. On her show, Oprah occasionally mentions Jesus, but more often she offers a brand of spirituality that is about making the world a better place in whatever way that means for you. No doubt a whole lot of good has been done in the world because of Oprah's influence (along with a good deal of conspicuous consumption). What the Oprah phenomenon tells me is that people want to make the world better, but they don't want to be told that they have to do it a certain way.

I think Christians can glean some insight from this if we try. God works in a lot of different ways, so I think that any movement that makes people try to do good is a good thing. The question is, how can we do a better job of meeting spiritual seekers where they are, and helping them to know God's love as they explore their purpose?

Heart Pulled to Pieces

How's that for an emo title, kids? Its never a good sign when I'm blogging at 4 am, but this one's been in the works for awhile. In the last few months I have resigned my first ministry job, finished my first full-time year of seminary, weathered a church crisis, and I continue to grieve Bud's death. Needless to say, my heart is feeling pretty raw right now. In the next three weeks I finish up youth group for the school year, transition to camp, perform a wedding, preach a Sunday, have Graduate Sunday, finish up confirmation projects, and launch our church's process of adopting Safe Sanctuary guidelines.

So... I'm not even sure how to put my current feelings into words. I feel sad. I'm feeling like I don't have time to feel my feelings because I should be doing the long list of things I have to do. I want to be with my friends, but when I'm with them I worried that I'm being too much of a downer. The bright spot in the last few months has been my youth group - I can't say how proud I am of them, and bonding more with them is making it so much harder to leave my job.

Don't worry, though. This is a phase, and one that I have been through enough times to recognize. This is what happens when God is tearing my world to shreds in order to rebuild it. That sounds more dramatic than I mean it to. God always puts things together better than I could. I trust God to do whatever God wants with my life (I do have a few suggestions, however). Between my faith and my exhaustion I can't do anything but go with the flow, and wait for that wonderful moment when the tightly wound feeling in my chest begins to unwind.

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

- Regina Spektor, "The Call" (At the end of Prince Caspian)

Valleys

In ministry (and life in faith, and life in general), mountaintop moments are generally followed by valleys of struggle. This week has been a difficult one. Not crappy week difficult, but losing sleep and feeling nauseous difficult. I know that God is seeing me through this, because I can see all of the grace in my life. I am surrounded by people who are smarter than me and willing to advise me. I have the benefit of experience that has proven helpful. I serve a wonderful group of kids and a loving group of parents. I have people to call when I'm melting down.

There are moments, though, where the weight of empathy gets to be too much. I always think about my counseling textbook defining empathy as experiencing another person's feelings as if they were one's own, but without losing the "as if" quality. I think I lose the "as if" quality sometimes. There is so much pain in the world that it can be overwhelming. If more people knew how much their friends and neighbors were carrying around or living with, we might have a more compassionate world.

Meanwhile I am totally aware that it is by the grace of God I am able to navigate these situations with some amount of... non-failure. God really is good, even when sucky things happen.

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

- Jars of Clay

my heart strangely warmed

Today was a great day in the midst of a blur of slightly frantic days. I have been running back and forth between school and work, and God broke through the busyness and got my attention. I started my day tired and cranky, and had three worship services to sit through.

The three services ended up being such a blessing. The scripture for today was on Thomas, which I love. I took communion three times, which was nice. One of my confirmation students gave an excellent presentation on Justifying and Sanctifying grace (with a poem and singing). Each of the confirmands is going to give a presentation on some topic we covered over the next few months.

In the third service, after I took communion, I knelt at the altar to pray and felt a rush of gratitude. I felt that thirst for God that is too easily (and too often) drowned out by other thoughts and feelings. I prayed to be filled with God's Spirit.

We only had one student come to the middle school group, so we did some reflection on scripture and then spent time hanging out.

Our high school meeting tonight was also about the Thomas scripture, and I talked about how God knows our needs and our doubts. I tend to focus on discipleship and justice a lot, and I shy away from plans that deal with "getting saved," because a relationship with God is so much more complex and deep than a list of sins being erased. Tonight, though, I made space for personal time with God. We spent the last 15 minutes praying and reflecting on our relationships with God. Of course this would be the week that we had a visitor who is not really Christian, but I assured him that we did not have any expectations, and he could use the time as he pleased.

At the end we stood in a circle and prayed. When it was our visitor's turn, I was surprised to hear him thank God for showing him that not all Christians are the stereotypical people with a list of what is bad and what is good. My heart almost overflowed at that point! Since I started this work, it has been on my heart to create a safe place where youth can feel comfortable and accepted no matter who they are. As I looked around the group, it was clear that this was finally happening. God is so good.

crash

This year, the beginning of my post-camp crash coincided exactly with my crashing back into school and work. Sunday I bid adieu to the Brits, and spent some time at Lorettas. Monday I dropped a Kiwi off at the airport and came straight down to school.

The road trip was awesome - an excellent chance to let loose (in legal and mostly appropriate ways), and try not to think about all the responsibility waiting for me. I saw Cleveland, Chicago and parts of Wisconsin. I shot a shotgun and ate a corn dog for the first time. How American. We read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince aloud in its entirety and listened to a whole lot of musicals. How nerdy.

Now I'm at school. I have a room at seminary on Monday and Tuesday nights. Yesterday I walked up to Wisconsin Ave and checked out an outdoor store that I've been wanting to see. They sell climbing stuff and clothes from Patagonia!!!! Today I went to my first class and bought A LOT of books.

Being back at school makes me feel really awkward and shy again. And young. And inexperienced. During chapel I was thinking about the fact that I am (deep down) grateful that I can relate to a lot of the things that my middle and high schoolers are going through. I'm awkward and shy and experiencing the first day of school. I am still in a stage of life where crushes and talking to boys are... a challenge. I don't exactly know what I'm going to do with my life long term. As much as I dread some of these awkward experiences, I am constantly aware that God is with me through even the silliest of my struggles. It means a lot to me that I can walk these paths with (although a little ahead of) the youth I serve, and I can say from experience that God is with us.

Its Been Awhile

So I haven't blogged in awhile. I think I go through phases where I write a bunch of "essayish" blogs on issues, and then feel like I have to keep that up. So this is going to be a random and frivolous blog.

Good stuff has been happening lately. The last couple months have been hectic and stressful with school and work and worship services and car accidents. Things are finally starting to even out again. I'm done physical therapy, I get my car tomorrow, and once I file the medical claim stuff that will all be over. I'm getting caught up with school and work.

Serving on team for Chrysalis was awesome. I ended up giving the Single Life talk, as well as serving as Assistant Spiritual Director (usually a pastor job) which basically meant that I helped do readings and was available for prayer. It was a really cool experience, and I felt so privileged to give the Single talk. I got to stand up in front of a bunch of teenage girls and talk about how God has blessed me so much in the last couple years, that I love being single. It has made me think that I need to blog more about being a Christian single 20-something, because that is a voice that needs to be heard. Christian culture tends to push people toward marriage. I want to get married, but I want it to be in God's time. Things are cool for now.

Easter was really great too. I had some awesome worship experiences. I got to sing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today." I got to see how much Jacob's Well has become a community. I got to spend quality time with some youth. I was reminded how much I need God, just in time to really put my heart into celebrating Easter. God is good.

And I get my hybrid tomorrow!!!!!